im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
