no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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