I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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