I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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