i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
