if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
