That's when you crack a 10am beer
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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