...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
