i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
