I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
