Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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