she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
