I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
