Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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