just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
