im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
