Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
