I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
