I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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