those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
