You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
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The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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