Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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