I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
