saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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