wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
