I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
