Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
