Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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