I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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