Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
