remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Floor bacon is actually really good
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
