sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
