soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
