Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
