I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
