I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
