The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
