Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
