once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
