I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There r osticjed everywhere
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
