I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
