Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
