New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
