just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
