I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
