Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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