You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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