Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
