Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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