I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
