Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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