I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
