i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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