I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
