It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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