Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
