lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
