We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
