I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
