actually, I'm a sock model
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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