I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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