My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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