anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
