pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
