Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
